You don't know me.

We always belong forever to people who have hurt us badly, or been badly hurt by us.

He is the safe option, Cas. He's not who you love. Do you get giddy with love around him? Does your heart thump forever, do you blush? No. He's just a platonic, a really good platonic friend you had for twenty years and you know he'll never hurt you. You know things won't fall apart because you guys know each other very well. He is just the safe option that you'll never get your heart broken. Tell me, do you love him?

I'll try I guess. I mean we love each other already. It's just hard to turn from friends to lovers. But I promise you I won't hurt him. 

Okay then. Don't break his heart.

____________________________________________________________________

Beneath the forced anger, I could hear his heart splintering. And I know I should never have promised him anything. Because right now, I'm tearing him apart, rewriting all the things he ever believed in.

"Cas, are you sure about this? Cause you know no one will ever stock up your kitchen again. No one will drop by during midnight to bring you supper when you're too lazy to get your bum off the couch. No one will ever check if there's enough fuel to last you through the trips. No one will ever make you pasta like I do again."

He was crying and I thought for a moment that I could hear his tears cascading down his beautiful face. I thought I could smell the alcohol emanating off him in a distance. 

"I miss you. I love you. I'm sorry."

"You realize what you've just said?"

"Yes." My tears are spilling and my shirt was getting soaked. I listened to him getting off the line and the ringing silence echoed.

        

                                                                          edited excerpt from a novel